Each person must be responsible for himself. — Galatians 6:5
In the fourth part of my forgiveness series, I’m sharing what Wayne Dyer said: “Switch the focus from blaming others to understanding yourself.” We are all brought up in homes with different beliefs, which shape how we see life. Unfortunately, far too many believe that others around us must live according to the way we want, as if their way is the only way!
It’s time you stop blaming others. They cannot cause you inner stress. Don’t allow yourself to think about what happened, over and over, the pain will never go away as long as you keep playing that tape in your head, over and over again. Forget about how this made you feel. To get to the root of the problem, you’ve got to think about what happened in a way that allows you to figure out why it angered you so.
No one can make you feel any kind of way, that’s your responsibility. Stop blaming others, and certainly don’t blame yourself either! Just allow the experience to unfold and tell yourself that no one has the power to make you uneasy without your permission. Be unwilling to allow this person to pull your strings as if you’re a puppet.
Tell yourself that no matter what you’re feeling, it is not “wrong” nor do you need to chase those feeling away. In this way, you’ve made a shift to take control of your own emotions and feelings rather than allow someone else to do that. Blame is no longer part of the equation. It is simply about you, assessing who you are. You want to know why this particular person or situation has affected you. Take some quiet time, and you will definitely begin to see the real you.
By taking responsibility for how you choose to respond to anything or anyone, you’re aligning yourself with the beautiful dance of life. Wayne Dyer’s famous quote says, “Change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” You will notice that once you do change the way you’ve decided perceive the power that others have over you and you will see a bright new world of unlimited potential for yourself and you will know instantly how to forgive and let go of anything.
My example is how I dealt with domestic violence more than 40 years ago. While my family and I were living in San Pablo, California, fights between me and my husband would happen at a moment’s notice. It wasn’t an everyday occurrence, but one day, just before he drove me to my job at Oakland’s Children’s Hospital, we got into an argument. Though he choked me, I took extra special effort in selecting one of my best outfits, took extra time with my hair, and I knew I would not allow him to control my thoughts all day long. I could have cried all day at work, instead, as I wiped away my final tears as I walked toward my office, I used that time away from him to focus on doing the best job I could do. Enjoying everything that I did was a very positive emotion for me.
Because of how I was raised, it never occurred to me to be rude to my co-workers or try to take out my sadness on them. This was my chance to forget about what happened, and to like treating others with great respect — after all, they knew nothing about this, and they did not deserve for me, as the office manager and supervisor, to be ugly and rude. The day would always turn out to be wonderful.
This, my friends, is an excellent example of taking charge of your own thoughts, reactions and emotions. Scripture says, “Be responsible for yourself!”
Lyndia Grant is a speaker/writer living in the D.C. area. Her radio show, “Think on These Things,” airs Fridays at 6 p.m. on 1340 AM (WYCB), a Radio One station. Visit her website, www.lyndiagrantshow.com, send comments to firstname.lastname@example.org or call 240-602-6295. Follow her on Twitter @LyndiaGrant and on Facebook.